Can You Hug Your Therapist? What to Know If You Want to Ask for a Hug
Key takeaways:
Many therapists will offer a hug to clients if they feel it would be beneficial and is unlikely to cause the client any harm.
There are some cases where it could be potentially harmful to hug a client, including when the client doesn’t want a hug.
Therapists should never engage in any sexual behavior or other behavior that causes a client to feel uncomfortable.
Table of contents
Hugging in therapy is a controversial topic. Most mental health therapy does not involve any physical contact between the client and therapist. Boundaries around physical contact in therapy are put in place to create a safe place for clients to work out difficult issues.
But many therapists are flexible when it comes to these boundaries, as long as they remain professional and do not cause harm to the client. That flexibility can include hugging.
Can you ask your therapist for a hug?
Yes, you can ask your therapist for a hug. For some people, non-sexual physical contact can provide comfort. So, wanting a hug from your therapist is completely normal. Hugging releases oxytocin, a hormone in the body that enhances trust and provides a sense of calm and safety.
When you ask your therapist for a hug, they will carefully consider whether it would be helpful to do so. This decision is made on a case-by-case basis. If they decide that a hug could be therapeutic and will not cause any harm, then many therapists will offer a hug. They will also consider their personal level of comfort with a hug, since therapists are human too.
Many therapist ethics codes don’t specifically address hugging. For example, the American Psychological Association’s (APA) ethical guidelines forbid any sexual advances toward clients. But they do not make any statements about non-sexual physical touching, such as a hug. The guidelines do, however, stress the importance of not doing any harm. If a therapist’s behavior could potentially cause harm to a client, then they should avoid it.
Is it OK for my therapist to hug me?
It is OK for your therapist to hug you if you give them permission. Most therapists won’t initiate a hug with you. But they may give you one if you request it. If they do give you a hug, they should ask you for permission first.
If you ask for a hug, some therapists will want to explore the meaning of the hug first. They may ask you questions about your desire for a hug and encourage you to reflect on this. This can help them understand your needs and decide whether a hug is appropriate. It also models getting consent for touch.
When it comes to hugging a client, there are some cases where a hug could be harmful. Examples might include hugging a client who has experienced sexual abuse. A hug may also be an issue if a client has difficulty with boundaries and could interpret the therapist’s hug as a sexual advance.
In some cultures, hugging is an important way to show care. Therapists strive to remain sensitive to a client’s cultural background. This requires flexibility at times. A therapist may generally not hug clients but choose to do so with a specific client if it’s important to them. Or a therapist may determine that rejecting a client’s request for a hug could hurt the therapeutic relationship. Every situation is taken on a case-by-case basis.
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When is physical comfort appropriate vs. problematic
Physical comfort provided by a therapist to a client may be appropriate if it is:
Non-sexual
Intended to provide comfort
Wanted by the client
An example of appropriate physical comfort would be a therapist offering a hug to a client who just learned of a loved one’s passing. Some therapists also offer a hug at the end of therapy as a way to say goodbye.
However, therapy should never include any type of sexual behavior. This includes:
Any sexual acts
Touching of a client’s intimate parts, whether it’s on the skin or over clothing
Statements that are sexual in nature and cause the client to feel uncomfortable
Unwanted physical contact is a warning sign of sexual misconduct in therapy. If a therapist engages in any physical contact that is unwanted by the client, then it is inappropriate.
If your therapist’s behavior has made you feel uncomfortable, you should consider no longer seeing them. You can also consider making a report to your state’s licensing board. You deserve to feel comfortable and safe in therapy.
Understanding client-therapist boundaries and ethics
Therapists are required to follow ethics codes that protect the safety of their clients. Each discipline has its own ethics code. But there is significant overlap among different mental health professionals, such as:
When it comes to ethical behavior and decision-making, mental health professionals are encouraged to:
Provide benefit to clients
Not cause harm to clients
Treat clients with equality, fairness, and respect
Remain honest and truthful
Create safe, trusting relationships
Generally, therapists are also required to uphold the following boundaries:
Maintain confidentiality with clients and discuss any limits to confidentiality
Avoid having multiple relationships with clients that could cause harm or impair the therapist’s objectivity
Avoid having sexual relationships with current or former clients and their family members
Attain the client’s consent to treatment in terms that they can understand
Don’t abandon clients and provide time to appropriately terminate therapy or refer them to another provider
The ethical principles and standards are in place to promote a safe therapeutic environment. It’s important that clients who enter therapy know that they will be treated with respect and professionalism.
The bottom line
Wanting a hug from your therapist is completely normal. Human touch provides comfort and can increase feelings of trust and safety. A hug with your therapist may be beneficial if it is non-sexual and provides comfort. Hugging is not forbidden, according to the different therapist ethics codes. However, some clients, such as those who have experienced sexual abuse, may be uncomfortable with a hug. Therapists should carefully consider whether a hug is right for a particular client and use ethical principles to guide their decision-making.
References
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. (2015). Code of ethics.
American Counseling Association. (2014). 2014 ACA code of ethics: As approved by the ACA governing council.
American Psychological Association. (2017). Ethical principles of psychologists and code of conduct: Ethics: Including 2010 and 2016 amendments.
Barnett, J. E. (2017). An introduction to boundaries and multiple relationships for psychotherapists: Issues, challenges, and recommendations. American Psychological Association PsychNet.
California Department of Consumer Affairs. (n.d.). Therapy never includes sexual behavior.
Herlihy, B. (2017). Ethics update: Boundaries across borders. Counseling Today.
Knapp, S., et al. (2014). The dark side of professional ethics. Continuing Education Corner, Monitor on Psychology.
LeWine, H. E. (2023). Oxytocin: The love hormone. Harvard Health Publishing, Harvard Medical School.
Light, K. C., et al. (2005). More frequent partner hugs and higher oxytocin levels are linked to lower blood pressure and heart rate in premenopausal women. Biological Psychology.
National Association of Social Workers. (n.d.). Read the code of ethics.
Nof, A., et al. (2017). Dos and don’ts facing termination. Society for the Advancement of Psychotherapy.
For additional resources or to connect with mental health services in your area, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. For immediate assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or text HOME to 741-741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.